DEAR MUM (A letter from a mother to her mother)

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Dear Mum,

I am sitting here writing this letter to you as your now adult daughter. One that is no longer under your roof, that has married and had her own family. There are some things that only a mother knows, only a mother experiences. There are many things I want to tell you, things that I didn’t know before becoming a mother myself, things that I believe are important to say.

Thank you mum, thank you for experiencing the ups and downs of pregnancy that changed your body forever, followed by the agonizing hours of labor in order to finally meet me. Thank you for waking up to nurture me time and time again even though all you wanted to do was sleep through the night, even just once. Thank you for letting me sleep on your chest on those long nights that I was sick, teething or just needing you close by. For changing thousands of nappies, doing endless loads of washing, eating last, showering last, and for cleaning up the mess.

For putting so much time and effort into planning our family trips while sitting through fights, screams and sibling rivalry. For tending to scraped knees, nappy rash, cuts and bruises. For letting me believe in the tooth fairy, Santa, magic bananas and spaghetti trees.  Thank you for making Christmas and birthdays so special and instilling in me a sense of spirituality. Thanks for the Vegemite soldiers that you made when I was sick. Thank you for baking those treats that were waiting when I got home from school. For making up the voices of characters in my favorite stories. For letting my imagination grow.

Thank you so much for making sure that we had one on one time even if it meant taking a day off school, just to connect. For our special shopping days and for teaching me that its okay not to be okay. For the sacrifices that you made and the independence that you gave up, for doing it with no family support and little thanks along the way. Thank you for creating a home that always felt safe. Thank you for bearing with me through the piercings and tattoo phase. For supporting me as a young adult when we weren’t sure that I was going to make it and being a shoulder should i ever need it. Thank you for you amazing ability to not reign me in too tight but also not letting me loose.

And for all the other things that were part of your mothering experience that I am yet to encounter or may never encounter. Mum, you were just always there, I didn’t know any different, the house always felt like a home, food was always on the table and I always felt loved. Only now as a mum myself do I realize that these things didn’t  just happen, you gave, you sacrificed, you spent time intentionally making my childhood special. I know there must have been moments when I wasn’t easy to love but you did, moments that you struggled and wanted to switch off but you didn’t. I am sure there were times you wanted to hide, sleep, scream…… but I never saw this, I didn’t realize at the time…. but I feel it too now. So mum, I now thank you for everything that you have done and continue to do for me, for always being there when I need you not only as a mum but also as a woman who has experienced so much, has so much wisdom, whom I admire respect and love….

Thank you Mum.

 

 

 

 

THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS

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In life, we very often only notice the things that resonate with our ideas, thoughts and feelings at that particular time. A good example is when you are looking at buying a new car, you do your research, you come across a car that you love that you haven’t really heard of before….. until you get back on the road. Now that particular car is EVERYWHERE! Not because all of a sudden people have flocked to get the car because you love it, but simply because you are now looking for it, you are open to seeing it. This is the same for life in general, when we are expecting things to go bad it is only natural that we seek signs that will confirm or mirror our expectations. It is believed that the power of positive thinking can lead to an increased life span, decreased risk of cardiovascular disease and better coping skills just to name a few.

A good example in my life (and hopefully this will resonate with other women) is, when I am in a negative mind frame, not feeling confident or not taking proper care of myself a simple statement (from my husband) like, “babe, do you wanna come for a walk with me? or “did you want to go to the gym tonight?” can tip me over the edge. Obviously he thinks I need it right? Clearly he thinks I am fat! Why? because I am looking for someone to confirm what I am already thinking. Husband will cop the wrath (usually full defense mode), he will have no idea what just happened and I will feel worse than I did before. This is not to say that husbands don’t say stupid, insensitive things… they sure do! Just not all the time. If he had said the exact same thing the same way but I had been feeling positive about myself and my situation I would have responded in a completely different, more positive manner.

I am not suggesting that things will just fall into your lap if you think positively, no, it doesn’t happen like that, it also takes some inspired action. Negative thoughts have been part of us for such a long time that they have likely become a small part of who we are, however we can be re-trained. By allowing yourself to be present, to make small steps towards ones goal without constantly putting up shields of negative energy that reverberate through all that you touch, including your family. If we think something is impossible then it will be. However if we allow ourselves to believe that it may just be possible….. then it may just be possible.

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Little changes or inspired action along the way can make such a big difference. Start by deciding what it is that you want, write it down, plan it, be specific. I really like the idea of creating a vision board, using positive words or other items that will inspire you. You might like to look for your dream job, start living a healthier life, volunteer, surround yourself with like minded people, find a mentor, make more money. Whatever it is put it on your board and find a place for it that you see as soon as you wake up. Allow your subconscious to absorb it even if you don’t quite believe it. Expect positive outcomes, act like you are already there, and you will begin to see the goodness that exists all around you as well as create much more.

Unfortunately thinking positive is not something that comes naturally at times. Often throughout the day for no particular reason I find myself having negative thoughts, not about anything in particular but just fleeting moments in time. Presumably thoughts or ideas that I have had since childhood that have embedded into my subconscious. I am now working on catching myself out during these times, using positive self talk and affirmations. Other recommendations include actively searching for opportunities to see the positive in the world, switch off the news, read a good story, talk to some inspiring people and remove toxic energy from your life (ain’t nobody got time for dat). Sometimes all it takes is putting a smile on your face…. fake it till you make it. Its really hard to think negatively when your smiling and the other good thing about smiling is that it is contagious. Give it a try next time you catch yourself out.

Since I have been making a conscious effort I have found the confidence to take the inspired actions that have been needed to get what I want. I finally left a job that I was not enjoying and applied for a job that I may have previously thought was too good for me….. I changed my mindset, set an intention,  applied for the job! And got it!!! I also have taken on more career wise, without thinking that I won’t be able to handle it. I am much happier in all my roles, as a mum, as a wife, as a working woman and as me. This is not to say that I have this positive thinking down pat, that may not even be possible, it takes practice, commitment and you wont always get it right. There is no guarantee in life and of course things will happen that are out of your control and challenges will surface but if you are able to manifest your own happiness it will also have a flow on effect and potential to create happiness for others and that can only be a good thing right?

 

 

My Mummy Myth

I used to look at other women around me and be envious of what they had, how they lived or the way they appeared to effortlessly breeze through life. I didn’t feel like them, like I had it all together and I still don’t. I would look at other women who were married with children as better than me. They were loved, they had it all, they had succeeded… they had what I wanted. I don’t know where this thought originated, obviously some deep seated insecurities or attachment issues that I have picked up somewhere along the way (Freud would probably suggest that I was not breastfed for long enough).

I had always known that I wanted to be a wife and a mum, I knew that I wanted kids, not that I wanted them young just knew that that was the path that I wanted to create for myself. If I am totally honest I guess I wanted that cliched white picket fence, a husband that adored me, a house that just miraculously smells of cookies when you walk in and two to three perfect smiling kids to fill the house with laughter. Yep that was the dream.

So the truth of the story is, I am that girl that got everything she wished for….. yep I am lucky!! I had my daughter at 28, got married to my loving husband at 29, then had my son at 30. We own our own home in the suburbs, its fence is green not white, and yep the house smells like cookies but only when I bake (which is very rare these days). So why do I still feel so much less of a success now? Hadn’t I just made all my dreams come true. What happens when your dreams are far from what you expected?

I have tried to pinpoint where these expectation of motherhood have come from but these days its everywhere we look, magazines, social media, television, mothers groups, the mum next door. We constantly compare ourselves to those that we see around us. We see what a good mother should be, how she should act, she should have everything under control, a tidy house, polite kids and to top it off look amazing.

0f79e6528d765a7bfa486a2f6134c74d.jpgI recently saw this post on social media and instead of the typical awwwww…. I actually got angry. I obviously wasn’t in the mood for seeing it at that point in time as it really struck a cord and led to this blog, it was not MY truth. Do mums REALLY believe this??? Am I crazy for not feeling this way? At this stage I feel as though they are robbing my life, I have lost myself and I miss the person I was. I had a life before my kids, a life that I liked. Don’t get me wrong I think the fact that we create these amazing little human beings is insane and watching them grow is remarkable. I wake up looking forward to seeing my children whilst also knowing that the arguments and battles are going to start over anything from what they want for breakfast to which pair of shoes they want to wear. Some days as soon as they wake in the morning I look forward to their nap time and as soon as nap time is over countdown is on until bed time, just getting through the day.

In these trying moments I sometimes get anxious about being a mum. I feel panic coming on, panic that this is going to be my existence forever, panic that I don’t want to do this anymore, panic that I cannot handle the pressure…. pure panic in the pit of my stomach. Every so often I have to step away, take that breath, create some space for me to just exist without feeling “needed”. This is not all the time, it comes and goes but boy it feel like I am drowning in all that I expected motherhood to be (what it would be like, how it would make me feel, how it would complete me). I get so bewildered by the reality of motherhood, of raising individuals who are not going to listen, who have their opinions, who a totally dependent on you and that are incapable of reasoning with.

What I have discovered and am now not afraid to say is that, I love my children, what I don’t love is the job of being a mum. I am not sure why I though that it would be easier, I guess I really thought that it would come more naturally. I am not ungrateful for what I have and I know how lucky I am to be a mother to two unique, beautiful, healthy children. I am also sure that I cannot be alone in the way that I feel.

So here it is, my kids are not my everything (although I would give my life for them and do on a daily basis), I don’t find that it comes naturally, I refuse to let motherhood totally define who I am (only part of who I am) and I will not let myself get lost in the day to day without taking a moment for me. To set goals for myself, to be part of a community to utilize the skills that I work so hard to gain and to follow my passion, because I am worth it and because the best thing that I can give my kids is a mother that is happy and whos whole life does not rely solely on them.

As mums we will continue through the frustration, the panic, the breakdowns and the guilt, we continue to love, nurture, teach, mend, entertain, cuddle, clean, cook, referee, nurse just to name a few because although motherhood is the toughest job in the world we are needed. so this is my truth, I find it fkn hard… and that is okay.

EM X

Picture Perfect.

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This is a photo i took this morning on our walk to the shops…. great pic right????  These are the happy snaps that a lot of us (especially me) post on social of our families and kids.

Things are not always as they seem. Prior to taking this i has had Mason screaming because he wanted Ellas breakfast, had to clean a pooey nappy that leaked and went on the bed sheets. Left the house an absolute bomb, Argued about putting shoes on, got through screaming over pram or walking. Mason screaming his head off in the shop because he wanted to walk (which always ends in disaster) Had a lady remind me to breathe because it was clearly going to be one of those days…… then finally bursting into tears on the way home. Ending after a further battle to get both into bed for nap time. In time for me to clean the house just so it can be messed up again in an hour.

I don’t post this for sympathy but to demonstrate how tough motherhood can be and how what we (including me) often post on here doesn’t accurately reflect the day that we have actually had, only the one we want others to see.

I do not take what i have for granted, i love my children so much and know that i am a good mum but i don’t always like the job….. its fkn hard….. it does not come natural like i thought it would. And some days i want to run away and hide. So when you too have these days ask for help or if you see the mum struggling extend a hand…. that can sometimes be all someone needs